NY I do love you; I realize it now since I’m leaving.
I will miss the little things, like being able to buy $3 bags of sliced mangoes sold on the street or the way the light hits the buildings as the sun is setting; I can stare at it for hours.
I will not miss waiting for the elevator, the traffic, the crowds, the dirtiness, the cockroaches, or mice.
I will miss good coffee, cupcakes, ramen, walking to 32nd St. to get some eats, particularly the budeh jiggae at Pocha 32 or the kamja tang at keun jip. I’ll miss Bon Chon. I’ll miss the energy of this city.
The city changes so much, even within the year I was here. Some of my favorite shops have closed down, like Subtle tea, and shoe shop on 5th ave near the Flat Iron Building.
I’ll miss the spontaneity of the city. Anything can happen; you can meet interesting people.
I’ll miss satisfying days, like today, where I can eat at a good restaurant like Balthazar and then look at diamond engagement rings with a girlfriend.
Balthazar was good; the steak frites was nothing to write home about but the pork belly with grits and the mango cheesecake were really good. All the food we ate was so rich but didn’t leave me feeling too heavy.
Bone marrow at Balthazar
Melissa suggested we go look at rings at Macy’s and Kay’s just to see what I liked. (They’re also the only stores open at 8:00.) It was so weird to try a ring on, it looked so foreign on my hand. I still can’t believe engagement is not far off in the future for me. I guess I was so used to being single.
Yesterday was also a nice day because I knocked out Mermaid Oyster Bar from my NYC bucket list. I also went to a pole dancing class with Monica. Not that that was on my bucket list, but it was still fun to go and see what it was all about. it seriously takes a lot of finesse and skill to do all those moves; I actually have a lot more respect for these pole dancers; many of whom were gymnasts or professional dancers.
I still have to do Grand Central Oyster Bar, Babbo, and Luger’s. Would be nice to hit Ai fiori and I’ll hit Fig and Olive with Diana later.
have a car in the city and I found a parking spot in 10 minutes today. It was pretty amazing; it always feels like Christmas when that happens.
I spent all day yesterday in NJ to wrap up loose ends.
It was a nice, bittersweet trip actually. It’s such a pain to get there; more than one would think. I go crosstown and take the A all the way up to around 180th st. Take the Spanish shuttle bush over the GWB for $1.75 and Mon picks me up. It takes about an hour and you can run into seedy characters.
While I was waiting for Mon to pick me up, this jogger tried asking for my number. I had to tell him that I spoke no English a billion times before he went away. My friend also saw me on his way home. Such a busy intersection to wait at but it’s the best way for me to get to Mon.
We had Korean kimchi pancake and neng myun, cold Korean buckwheat noodles in a delish broth; so perfect for summer. I slept over Mon’s and we went to hot yoga in the morning. It was the kookiest yoga we ever went to. The instructor looks like a 60 yr old version of Snookie but with red hair and few more love handles. She blared songs, rushed through the poses, and had us chant things like ‘Hey, hey.’ It’s not representative of Jersey but only in Jersey can you find a yoga class like that.
Still, I burned a lot of calories, took a shower at Mon’s, grabbed some more Korean food for the road, and we went to go to her sister’s condo where my car was parked. It was nice to chat with her sis and her sis’ hubby for a bit. I took my car and drove out to Bruce’s to pick up 4 boxes of my sister’s stuff. I shipped one out from a local drugstore and shipped the others out at a Fedex center since the guy at the drugstore said it might be cheaper to ship it out at a Fedex center. It cost about $180 but it was worth it. I’m so glad I’ve gotten that taken care of.
I also had to buy a guest book for my cousin’s wedding that’s coming up in Hawaii. I noticed that my tires were flat but went to the mall anyway. The tires were stressing me out so I left the mall without buying anything because I wanted to find an auto shop to fix it before it closed….so I went to a Firestone where they pumped the tires with air because it’s all they had time for. There is a small nail in one of the tires that is causing a leak but I’d have to take care of it later.
I drove to a Hallmark store in my old town to see if they had a variety of guest books but they didn’t. There are seriously just about one or two prototypes of guest books on the market. I decided to get a gold one I saw in the mall at Papyrus earlier. But before I went, I decided to drop by my old house to pick up any old mail. As I was driving up, there were a ton of cars parked all along the street.
It turns out that the new owners were hosting a baby shower for the wife’s sister. There must have been a 100 people at the house. We never ever had that many people over. They set up an outdoor tent and had food catered. Emil showed me the new kitchen. It was really nice; they replaced the cabinets and put an island in the middle. It’s so bittersweet to go back and see all the changes they are making to the house. I really like them but at the same time, it’s another chapter of my life closing—physically.
Emil wouldn’t let me leave without a plate so I had a whole plate of Dominican food and some strawberry sangria. It was really nice of him to do that. I’m so glad that they’re nice and happy with the house, and I’m happy that I could come back and visit if I want.
I rushed to the mall where I bought the guest book in the nick of time…at 6:55. The mall closes at 7:00. I’m glad I got everything done. I dropped by Jenny’s where she was hosting a bridal shower for her cousin. Hong was there cooking and I met her sous chef but I just stayed in a room to rest and eat the plate of food Emil gave me. I came out later to help Hong do the dishes and then went home to NY.
I’m trying to wrap everything up here so I can move to Atlanta. I woke up sad this morning because I dreamed that I was leaving NYC and I felt so maudlin about it in the dream. In the dream, I was packing my stuff up at work, walking the streets and eating the things I’ve always to eat.
This morning Tina said she’d host a farewell party for me. I can’t believe I’m leaving but I’m more happy than I am sad.
Sometimes I still can’t believe my luck that I met HK. I feel incredibly blessed and happy. We make people vomit in their mouths.
I’ve never gotten along so well with someone and I almost feel guilty talking about it because I feel like many can’t say they have the same thing with 100% conviction. I’m not trying to boast about this because I didn’t do anything to find him; I feel like everything just found me. I guess I’m just very happy in a way that I could’ve never envisioned. It’s still so strange that 1) someone can be so much like me 2) that we would find each other.
Aside from the uncanny compatibility we have, I’m strangely grateful that we met by chance; nothing is from circumstance. We weren’t from the same school, church, kickball team or even have any mutual friends, although I used to wish that I would find my boyfriend through social circles. But when you meet someone by pure chance, it gives some kind of romantic element to it, as if it was fate that we were meant to be together. We met by chance after being introduced online through his friend who happened to see my profile on Okcupid. How many couples do you know who were set up by a complete stranger online?
I took a quick trip to Atlanta during Memorial Day weekend. We sorted out some misunderstandings, ate to our heart’s content, laughed at youtube videos all day and met with our parents. I finally got to meet his mom; she’s really sweet. HK’s close friend had us over and he grilled for us and my friend and her boyfriend whom I invited over. It was good catching up with her and I appreciated that HK’s friend grilled for us; it was very generous of him. HK also took me to his favorite bar, I finally had the Waffle House experience, and we also went to our fav Vietnamese place that must have the cheapest food in America.
It was a really good weekend. I’m thinking of moving soon. Everything is happening so fast.
I feel like I just got here but I’m preparing to leave NYC come August, maybe even July. There are so many things up in the air; I don’t even know for sure if I should be looking for jobs in Atlanta as H may not stay there for his career. So there are huge life changes ahead but still so much uncertainty that’s hanging over my head like a cloud, much like the weather these days. I’m going to show the apartment to a couple people and I’m still trying to think of how to get my crap to ATL…
I came back from Bridgehampton where a childhood friend of mine had a group show opening at a gallery that’s been converted from a small barn. It was such a nice day; the sun finally came out (now it’s overcast again) and I enjoyed catching up with her and hanging out with her friend Ben. I realize you can’t take open-minded people for granted. Even though I realize Ben and I are probably so different we were able to discuss so many different subjects with mutual respect. Good company is gold…
We went to B. Smith’s, a restaurant on the waterfront where the Bloody Mary and the lobster roll were disappointing. I almost feel like I have to restore my faith in the lobster roll by going to Luke’s. But at least the oysters were good and we were on the waterfront.
We sauntered to the beach at Sag Harbor. It was so nice to just lie down and hear the waves lapping on the shore.
We headed to the gallery and looked at some paintings while sipping on wine and beer. I thought I could people watch for hours there…lots of yuppies for sure and people with these gorgeous manicured dogs. But the owner, Silas, didn’t seem so pretentious. Really quiet guy with a gentle demeanor.
We went to Pierre’s for dinner where I shared the bouillabaise with Ben. The broth was pretty amazing. We finished with this chocolate neopolitan dessert and coffee. During dinner, this lady next to us started chatting with us. She was really sweet. Her name was Leigh and she lives on 57th and Park and also owned a home in the Hamptons. Her husband passed away in the last year or so and I think she was trying to make the best of things, even if it meant dining alone and enjoying a dinner of wonderful mussels. It seemed liked she was really active, traveling a lot and maybe taking on some entrepreneurial opportunities in the restaurant business. I was really happy for her, that she was making the most out of life despite losing her husband. She wasn’t stuffy and seemed very kind; it’s nice to meet people like her.
We went back to Manhattan and I passed out. I’m thinking of making a final list of things to do in NYC before I have to leave. I realize it will probably revolve around food. there are way too many restaurants to try but I would love to eat at Balthazar and Luger’s before I go. Billy’s cupcakes too. Luke’s Lobster one more time. Maybe the mermaid bar as well. We’ll start with those, and then maybe I can work toward having oysters at John Dory’s and visiting Per se and the Fig Leaf and Olive. Oh goodness, maybe Restos. And Cask’s? Babbo’s for sure.
I’ll miss eating in NY, which is everything to me. I don’t care for the shopping or clubbing, but I will miss the eating. I won’t miss the everyday stress of the city…the crowded streets in Soho near work or by Herald Square, or the crazy cars and bicyclists running the lights, the blaring of the horns, or the dirtiness of the subways. After awhile, you do feel like you’re stuck on an island because it’s such a trip to go out to NJ or most of Brooklyn. I still hate Brooklyn and all its pretentious bs. Shut up and stop wearing empty frames.
H visited me for the fourth time. You want to read the recap? You do, don’t you. He came while my friend whom I met in Korea was visiting so it definitely felt like a full house. He came on a Saturday and we went to the Madison Square Park eating fair where we ate some Asia Dogs and other finger food. We went back home to chill for a bit before going to Primehouse for dinner at 8:30.
Somewhere along the way I lost my glasses because I couldn’t find them in my purse when we went to have brunch at Osteria Morini’s the following day. Anyway H’s egg crepe special was friggin amazing. I had some seafood pasta which was pretty good too but I never tried an egg dish that good before. I also ordered some dessert and then we came home. I think we were trying to watch Good Night and Good Luck with my friend from Korea, Hee Young, but H fell asleep a few times. We went to church service and then H treated us for Pio Pio for dinner.
I don’t remember what I did Monday. Oh yeah we went to Pocha with Kumar and had pajun and budeh jiggae.
Tuesday I went to Brooklyn to Kumar’s sweet new pad where H was staying. It’s two floors and he has a nice patio and balcony. We went to the Gowanus Yacht Club (clever irony, right?) where Kuma’rs friend Pria met up with us and we all had dinner at some Thai place. Afterward we went to a swanky bar called Clover Club where I had some excellent oysters. It was the perfect thing to have after Thai. It was nice hanging out with them…I don’t know what we were talking about; just that we were all cracking up a lot. I said my goodbyes to H since he was leaving the next day when I’d be at work.
I’m going to ATL for Memorial Day weekend. I can’t wait. My friends tell me not to rush into living with H but I don’t have any qualms about it. I have never felt so sure about someone before and I’ve never been so compatible with someone before that it just seems so crystal clear to me that we’ll be together. I’m sure we’ll discover more things about each other, some good or bad, but I don’t have any doubts about him boys and girls; no doubt whatsoever.
Today turned out to be a sweet Mother’s Day and I’m really thankful.
It’s not easy for me to get to NJ from NY; it takes a lot more coordination than you think. I have to find someone who can drive me to my friend’s condo where my car was so I could drive to the cemetery, and my friend wasn’t going to be around for the weekend. (Of course, no public transportation goes to a walkable distance to my friend’s condo on the weekend) So I had dinner with friend B in Hoboken on Saturday night and afterward she dropped me off to the condo. Then I drove to my friend C’s house to sleep over.
The next morning I drove to my sister’s friend’s flower shop. I wanted to drop off these two huge boxes of vases that she could use; they were left over from a wedding where my sister did the flowers. The boxes just sat in our garage until my dad sold the house and I kept the vases until I could find a place where I could donate them.
I also wanted to buy flowers to place at my mom’s grave but my sister’s friend refused to let me buy them. It was really nice of her to give them to me for free.
It was a busy day at the cemetery for Mother’s Day. It was a nice day but I didn’t stay too long. I just placed the roses in one of the marble vases that is part of the tombstone and I just wiped down the tombstone a bit. I just said a few things and left.
Besides getting the roses for free, the one message of condolence I did get for Mother’s Day was from a complete stranger who is a widow herself. I only know her from online where I read her blog that she created after her husband died. I would comment here and there and somehow along the way we became friends on Facebook. (It turns out we had some mutual friends)
She messaged this to me through Facebook today:
Just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking about you today as I’m sure Mother’s Day is not an easy day for you. May you find strength and joy as you continue to cherish and honor the memory of your mother.
Much love to you,
Anne
It meant a lot because I didn’t even think she would have time to think about me. Also it is I who should wish her a happy Mother’s Day; she is the one who is raising three young kids by herself.
I miss my mom a lot, yet I’m comforted that she’s in a better place and I say that with absolutely no doubt and I hope you can say the same about yourself. Life is so fleeting and fragile so might as well give it some thought- “the unexamined life is not worth living”.
I’m thankful for all that my mom’s done; I know I’m undeserving of it and I will always be indebted to her.
It’s a gorgeous early Saturday afternoon and I’m still in bed. I feel unmotivated to do anything. Had some great pork bbq at Silla last night; it was pretty amazing. Then tea at Starbucks before heading over to 3rd floor. I enjoyed the night but nothing’s the same without H.K. I can’t believe how depressed I woke up today. I just want to stay in bed all day; the only thing I did was make a bank run. I’ll try to go running later and then work.
H just left this past Tuesday. We did a lot on his 3rd visit to me in NYC:
Tuesday: Dinner at Felidia’s with Sung & Hong. We got free dessert because Hong knew the manager.
Wednesday: Went to Shake Shack but the line was way too long so we ate pork sammiches at Sophie’s. I can’t recall what we did afterward. I think we tried to watch this terrible movie called Leaves of Grass. Please don’t see it.
Thursday: We had dinner with Monica and Yulin at Pocha 32. Food Gallery 32 afterward.
Friday: I met up with H, his brother, and Kumar for drinks in Soho after work. I enjoyed my time with them and then H and I went to Bochon afterward. we picked up random stuff at Hanareum to bring to Joe and Eujin’s for the next day.
Saturday: We went to Harlem to see Eunjin and Joe’s new place. We had a light brunch and talked for four hours which wiped me out. H and I went to Dos Toros to stuff our faces afterward. We dropped by Think Coffee for a Spanish latte and then met up with H’s brother, Chica, and friends at Firefly for a drink. I bought a couple of things at Uniqlo and then we went back to my place. I don’t remember what the heck we did. I think we may have watched Michael Jackson’s This is It, which was a lot better than Leaves of Grass.
Sunday: Sadly missed a big chunk of Easter service because I didn’t know the time changed from the usual 10:30. Oops. At least we made it for the sermon which was on resurrection and how it can redefine the way we look at death. Afterward H and I went to eat dim sum and then headed to Little Brown in the Upper East Side to do some work; cute little place. We went back to my apt. to chill and Marcia texted me to warn me that her mom was dropping her off. H and I went to Vezzo’s until the coast was clear.
Monday: I went to work and then H treated me to bottomless pasta at Becco’s. I loved it; the mushroom ravioli was excellent. We ended up talking to the couple next to us; they were really nice and incredibly smart. The guy was an engineer who got his PhD in Switzerland; they were a charming couple.
Tuesday: I took a personal day and worked from home. We went to Umi’s for lunch; it’s the first time I ever ate there since moving into the city. We had to wait a good 45 minutes to get our food which sucked. I realize you have to be in a good mood to enjoy a meal. The chirashi was good but just wished they brought it out faster; it’s not like it had to be cooked.
We worked some more and then I saw H off. I worked my ass off this week. I have no life, no time to do anything. I’m barely keeping up with my social life let alone TWITTER! I miss Twitter; I don’t understand how I kept up with it before. Everything is pretty overwhelming right now. Lots and lots to think about; big changes ahead. I just want to be together with him; should it be this difficult and annoying?
Regardless, I’m still amazed that I met him. I sound like a broken record but, it still blows my mind how well we fit; we’re not trying to, but we just do.
The rib and chicken combo above is from Fat Matt’s Rib Shack. (It was referenced in Up in the Air!) It was pretty good; the meat just slid off the bones. Honestly, I was just happy spending time with H, cracking up over Chris Rock and chowing down on ice cream and cheesecake.
I didn’t know how much Atlanta would be a part of my life until just a few months ago, when my dad announced he was thinking of moving there. And then just a few days later, I never thought I’d get a message on OKCupid from a guy in Atlanta who would end up being the love of my life.
(I still can’t believe I’m using words like that.)
I just went to Atlanta for the first time in my life this past weekend and it was great just for the fact that I was with H and met his friends. I did eat well and saw some parts of downtown where the aquarium and CNN are located but I was just happy to see that my dad settled in a nice home and that it wasn’t awkward when dad and H met. We first met over lunch and then a couple days later we visited my dad at his house where we ate a lovely Korean brunch that was cooked by Sarah.
I feel blessed. I never felt so reluctant to come back to New York.
There were other great places we ate at but I was just happy to spend time with H. My friend said just to wait until we got into our first fight. I think H and I are both curious about it. In the meanwhile, we talk about our future dog together.
He emailed this to me today; I’ve read it before and mistakenly attributed to Nelson Mandela since he’s used it in a speech. It’s an encouraging read:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” — Marianne Williamson
I’m still blown away by how lucky I am to have met him; I almost feel apologetic talking about it. It’s infinitely better than winning the lotto..and like everyone else, I’d really like to win the lotto.
I feel like my friends had normal doubts and concerns about the people they were dating: he’s not affectionate enough, she’s too possessive, etc. but I don’t have any of that with H and I feel so blessed for that. We talked about how meeting each other felt like it was too good to be true. But I don’t want to expect so little out of life anymore; why not expect more? Jesus said he came to give life and give life to the fullest…
I don’t think we even know how to imagine what that would look like because we are so limited in everything from our fears and imagination. As much as we think we’re beyond our time, we are so constrained by it. C.S. Lewis writes:
In fact what I so proudly call "Myself" becomes merely the meeting place for
trains of events which I never started and which I cannot stop. What I call
"My wishes" become merely the desires thrown up by my physical organism
or pumped into me by other men's thoughts or even
suggested to me by devils.
I don’t think we can comprehend the best God has in store for us but I imagine it’s far crazier than winning the lotto.
I went to Morning Star today and I really appreciated the pastor’s vulnerability. He talked about the idolatry we have in our lives, which he defined as anything or anyone we value or trust more than God. He shared that success was his idol, having grown up as an ambitious person. He couldn’t help but to compare himself to his group of college friends that include a successful doctor, a president of a TV network station, a speech writer for Obama and a major league baseball player. He once felt ahead of them as he used to work at a prestigious consulting firm before God reminded him of his promise to go into ministry.
I think anyone in NY can identify with this; who isn’t obsessed with his or her career here and how they measure up to others? Of course I also worry about money…but it is refreshing to see how often Jesus specifically tells us not to worry about money; that he already knows that we need all these things. It’s all about trust…
After service, I met up with H’s good friend and his wife. I thought it might be awkward to meet them since we’ve never met each other but we ended up having a four hour lunch at Eat, a Thai place on the Upper East Side. It was really nice to get to know them and share so much with them already. They also paid for me which was generous of them.
Overall I just had a pleasant weekend. I went over Gary and Kat’s place for the first time on Friday. It’s a nice apartment by Columbus Circle that overlooks Lincoln Center and 9th avenue. We watched Kentucky beat Ohio and VCU beat Florida. I played with their two cats nd learned how to play liar’s poker. It was 3 in the morning before we knew it.
Saturday Mon and I went to Minetta Tavern to try the black label burger which lived up to its $27 price tag. Afterward I got a cortado at Third Rail (it’s the smallest cortado in the city and didn’t live up to its $3.50+ price tag) and then we walked through Washington Square Park. It was pretty cold but we walked back to my place. Later on I went to Arirang kal kooksu for the first time with Yujune; it’s always pleasant to meet up with her.
I have a feeling work is going to be really busy tomorrow; Mondays always are. At least I will be going to Atlanta for the first time in my life on Wednesday and will be seeing H and my dad…
