xteethx

Provision

Short version of his second visit to NY: fabulous. wonderful. too short.

Long version:

Even before he came, he sent me flowers with a note saying he couldn’t wait to see me:

3/12 Saturday: Went to EWR to see him arrive. I guess I missed him coming out of the gate. I called him and he told me he was at the baggage claim. It was good to see him; he was wearing a simple black sweater and jeans.  It turned out to be a good decision to go the airport to meet him because we had to wait an hour for an NJ transit train to take us to NY Penn station. I’m glad I spent that hour waiting with him than rather waiting an hour for him at home.

We had dinner at Dock’s where we ate oysters, clam chowder, risotto and fish which were all pretty good.  On the way home, we picked up ice cream at a random deli that charged us $6 for each pint of Ben& Jerry’s. We got pistachio and vanilla heath bar crunch which we ate while watching Sassy Girl.

3/13 Sunday: Went to the Highline and ate Thai afterward.   We had a couple spring rolls, the tom yum soup and shrimp lo mein; all cheap but good.   We attended the River church at 6 pm where the pastor talked about praying everyday for specific things for Lent. (FYI I failed already.) We had dinner with Maria and HK paid for us; very sweet of him.

We also met up with Kumar at HK. We talked about their travel adventures and past relationships over hard liquor. (Caramel latte for me) They make a funny pair of friends; yes, like Harold and Kumar.

Afterward HK and I had some bu-deh jiggae at Pocha 32. (spicy goodness pictured above)

3/14 Monday: ugh work.  After I left the office, we went out to dinner at Shanghai Mong on 32nd and then watched W. 32nd,  a film about the characters and dynamics of the Korean community in NYC. It was okay but you’re better off watching Cho in Star Trek.

Add sauce. Mix. Eat.

3/15 Tuesday: After work I came home to a full Korean dinner of kimchi jigae, pajun, bulgogi and spinach. It was delish.  He cooks better than me. I can’t believe he even cooks.  We watched The Other Guys which was hilarious; haven’t laughed that hard in any Will Ferrell movie.

3/16 Wednesday: Work and then went out to Bar Bao for dinner with HK’s bro and Chica. Food was pretty good. Liked the sea bass and pork belly the best. We picked up some macaroons at Spot and then watched The Other Guys again…

Beef Vermicelli at Bar Bao

Pork belly at Bar Bao

3/17 Thursday: On this fine St. Paddy’s day I woke up around noon.  He donned his green Carlsburg sweatshirt and I wore my Guiness shirt.  Later on in the day we went to happy hour at City Crab where we had $1 oysters, steamers and crab dip which were all really good. Their happy hour deals are pretty decent.   We picked up more expensive ice cream (B&J Dublin mudslide) for $6.50 and then watched The Big Lebowski.

Friday: 3/18 Lunch with Em and Sarah at La paella. Food and sangria were great. Chloe was a doll. Afterward, HK packed his stuff and then I walked him to Penn Station. I came back home and did laundry (did I mention HK also did my laundry?),  ate dinner and then went to Hoboken to meet up Jerusha for her bday party.

HK hid a note in my dictionary in the letter P section.  The first word that caught my eye was provision which means a lot to me personally this year. It’s hard trusting that God would provide sometimes but then He does.

Better Than Hollywood

I’ve attempted to write about this many times but have found it difficult to express what it feels like to have finally met your long-lost, best friend in the most serendipitous way. As this Playboy model put it, “Someone somewhere is going to walk into ur life & make you realize why it never worked w/anyone else.” (Thanks Monica, for following her and re-tweeting it.)

I think what I feel the most is gratitude. There is no reason why I should have met him. We live in different cities and I was only looking for guys in New York. At the time he was looking, I wasn’t looking at all. I decided I’d quit dating for the month of January and just pray about it. Yes, pray about it. You know how Elizabeth Gilbert is breaking down in the middle of the night next to the toilet and praying to God in Eat, Pray, Love? Mine wasn’t as dramatic but I was certainly wrestling with God. Ask and ye shall receive. I was either going to believe it or not. If I didn’t receive, then I would certainly go back to what I knew: perusing profiles on OKCupid and How About We, checking out guys at bars, church or meetups and playing stupid games.

But I was determined to believe it. I took my cue from a Rwandan holocaust survivor,  Immaculée Ilibagiza, whose autobiography I had finished reading at the time. When Ilibagiza miraculously came to America, she gave God six months to bring her husband.  He brought him to her in three. I, of little faith, gave God one.

January was a hard month for me. I was beyond stressed with helping my dad move from our childhood home in NJ to Atlanta while I just landed a new job. Although I was happy for the new home owners who really loved the house, I was sadder than I expected to be; there were a lot of memories growing up there.

But in the midst of all of this moving, I got the most random message on OkCupid from a guy named Kumar, asking if I’d be open to getting a message from his friend who he thought would be compatible with me. I decided why not; Kumar seemed sincere and I was intrigued…

Two days later, while I was in the middle of discarding junk from our house at the town recycling dump, Kumar’s friend messaged me.  He sounded cordial, polite and normal.  As I read his profile, I felt he might really be a good match for me; he was  tall, humorous,  cute, funny, seemed stable and shares the same faith as me.  He strangely seemed to embody all the qualities I once looked for in a guy but didn’t think could all exist in one person.

But I really dropped a couple f-bombs when I read where he’s from: friggin Atlanta.  What were the chances that this guy who seemed so perfect for me would be in the same city my dad was moving to?  I couldn’t help but take it as a sign. It strangely brought me some comfort and relief  in the midst of feeling so melancholy that we sold the house in NJ; it was as if my dad’s decision to move there was the right decision.

Yes; this was completely stupid and presumptuous of me to assume this.  I told myself to calm down but I couldn’t help but to feel so strongly about this guy already. It freaked me out to feel this way about him when  I haven’t even met or talked to him yet.   Meanwhile it turned out this other hot guy I was corresponding with on Ok Cupid turned out to be a big flake.  I tried canceling a date we made for Feb. 1 because it was going to snow that day but he still insisted going through with it. He said he would have a place in mind the day before our date but he never messaged me.

Yep, it was just further confirmation that HK was the one for me.  We started messaging through OKCupid and then we gradually exchanged emails. Then phone calls and texts. We still haven’t met in person yet but we hit it off. I smiled stupidly whenever I talked about him or when I IMed him during work. In about 10 days, we exchanged 100 emails and he easily became the most texted person on my phone just within a few weeks. During this time, I think we both lost a lot of sleep, productivity and our sanity thinking about each other and staying up late at night on the phone.

It was uncanny how well we got along and how compatible we were; it’s still hard for me to believe that someone can be so perfect for me.  I felt so strongly about him that I also turned down this nice, Harvard doctor who asked me to dance with him at a friend’s wedding. I woke up at six the next morning feeling confused. In the darkness of my hotel room I deactivated my online dating sites and decided I’d keep in contact with HK only.

I kept from HK that my father just moved to Atlanta and HK kept from me that he had a business trip to New York. He finally told me he was coming up for business on Feb. 19. I couldn’t wait for him to come but I was nervous. I worried he wouldn’t look like his photos or that we’d only be great on the phone and be awkward in person. Hence the sleepless nights and nervous eating in the previous post.

Saturday night finally came.  The anticipation was killing me; it was so strange to meet someone you felt so close to but never actually saw before.  It was surreal when he tapped my shoulder and said my name when I came to the bar. We were both nervous like two awkward high schoolers going on their first date but we slowly became comfortable with each other.   He eventually reached out for my hands across the table in front of our poor waitress who must have felt like a third wheel whenever she came by.

At the end of having our chocolates and wine, he made his first faux pas that night by mis-texting me. He had meant to send the following text to Kumar but sent it to me: “Really sweet girl; like crazy sugary sweet girl.” I showed it to him and he completely tried to play it off but eventually laughed about it. I held his hand in assurance when we walked out.

Okay yeah, for that week we spent together, we were easily the most disgustingly sappy couple in New York. He kissed my head at every street corner while waiting for the light to change and we had smiles plastered across our faces the whole time we were together; need I say more? We both knew we were being stupid but we were going to enjoy it.

The rest of the week was amazing—every place we explored had good food, drinks and a great atmosphere. We had dinner at Nyonya with his brother who’s the complete opposite of HK and looks nothing like him but seemed nice as well.  And I also had the pleasure of meeting Kumar, who started this whole mess to begin with and essentially changed my life. He was a really easy-going and funny guy. He didn’t make much of hooking us up; just said that HK owed him a nice suit for it. (Korean tradition apparently, when you successfully hook your friends up.) We all had drinks at the Royalton which had a nice lounge, and then went to Pocha 32 afterward where everything we ordered was good, including that insane watermelon soju.

After HK returned to Atlanta, I continued to discover more great things about him. He owns three start-ups, is actively helping out his friend’s son’s non-profit in Nepal and writes really well, which means a lot to me since communication is so important to me. He wrote a short story on each day we spent together; it really blew me away how sweet and well-written it was.

I didn’t think I can find anyone who was so perfect for me in so many respects, from our overly contemplative personalities to our goofy sides. He is more than the best I can ever imagine; he likes to cook and clean and said he wanted to paint my toenails for crying out loud. He wants to fly me down to see him in ATL and of course visit my dad.

Sometimes I still can’t believe he exists. I’m glad for everything that has or hasn’t happened in my life so that I could meet him. I’m so glad I stuck through with some of the hard decisions in my life to end relationships that could’ve ended up okay. I would stay with a guy just because he danced well, had an Australian accent or went to an Ivy League school, which I realize is completely unimportant in the long run.

In past relationships, I always felt like I had to convince myself that I was happy; I was always overlooking things or making compromises to try to make things work because everyone told me no one is perfect, I was being too picky and that those romantic scenes you see in the movie are just Hollywood. So I was ready to settle for relationships that could’ve been, at the most, pleasant and nice.   I was ready to settle for that because that’s all I thought there was; I never expected much. But with HK, it’s so effortless and natural; it’s the best, and I’m so glad I waited for him because I never expected this much.

After digesting and processing what has happened in the last month and a half, I’ve learned three lessons from meeting HK. One is that timing is everything; don’t rush it or try to make it happen when it ain’t happening.

Second is God meets you where you are. I had to meet HK in the most random way possible and he had to be the most amazing fit or else I would still be thinking this to death and wondering if he’s the one for me. I think God had to make it so obvious and blindside me over with it because I get too analytical for my own good.  There’s no other way for us to know that this was meant to be…

Third lesson is that this isn’t about me or HK. You can call it dumb luck or coincidence but I’d like to think of it as a story within a bigger, better story; one that’s a lot better than Hollywood. I don’t know what that story is going to look like, but I realize it’s more than I can ever conjure up or imagine. All it requires is a little bit of faith. If you’re not living for something beyond yourself, you’re not living at all; you’re existing as best as you can.

HK’s visiting again today. I can’t wait to see him. We will be the most disgusting, pathetic, gross couple in NYC for this week once again.

Someone Like You – Adele

Just discovered this song and fell in love with her voice

This Is It

Not MJ’s latest movie; that’s still on my Netflix streaming list.

This is the day I meet him. It’s either going to be epic. Or crazy fail.

I haven’t even met him yet and it’s been such an intense relationship. I’ve lost productivity, a lot of sleep and some sanity. And it hasn’t been a month yet either.

But we get along so well. Honestly, it’s a bit uncanny the way we click and the chemistry we have from talking on the phone, texting and emailing; I feel like he’s an old friend who I’m catching up with.

Still, maybe we’re just great phone people and it’ll be awkward in person.

Last night I felt so nervous about meeting him that I went through a pack of Goobers, Milk Duds and a whole bag of Pirate Booty after dinner. (This is the second…and the last time I will finish a whole bag of Pirate Booty after a hearty meal.)  I also had 3 glasses of wine and abruptly told him I had to go because I felt overwhelmed talking to him. We eventually talked again later at night and I felt better.

He called me this morning at 7:30; I guess he was the nervous one this time around. I can’t wait to meet him and finally get that prerequisite out of the way when I tell my friends, “So, I’ve met someone…”

Moving

My dad sold the house we grew up in. It’s the most practical decision he could make, yet I was sadder than I expected to be that it was no longer going to be ours after 27 years.

The move was completely exhausting and hectic.  It was the prime example of how not to move.  One week is not enough time to try to donate, sell and trash everything you accumulated for 27+ years.  We were able to donate most of our stuff but there were a few things that got lost or thrown out by accident. I couldn’t be in 5 places at the same time to tell people what to throw away and what to keep.  Still, I couldn’t help feel like a huge failure over this.  I wanted to do everything in an orderly fashion, and have the time to reminisce while sorting through our possessions. But there was no time for that; everything was rushed.  I actually just slept 2 hours for 3 days in a row just trying to pack everything up.

Things I lost along the way:

• the expensive mouth guard from the dentist that prevents me from grinding my teeth
• a particular blanket
• sleeping bag
• my NES system
• part of my phone charger; I have the cable so I’m able to charge it through my laptop but I think the plug part got thrown away. I’m so pissed about this.

It’s hard to blame anyone over this; everyone did their best to pack up given the short amount of time we had to move out.   It was an overwhelming and chaotic time but at least everything is done and my dad safely arrived at his new house today after driving through snowstorms along the East coast.

It’s sad that I just can’t cross over the river to do my laundry or have a place to keep my childhood stuff. Most of what I have in storage will probably get moved to my cousin’s house in CT.  The item we had the largest quantity of was books, followed by clothes and then CDs, cassette tapes and VHS tapes.  We threw most of them out. I kept all my letters, journals and photos…all of which are irreplaceable.  Unfortunately technology is the most expensive and the most replaceable. We threw out countless gadgets, electronics, cell phones along with TVs and appliances.  We donated a lot of furniture and kitchenware.

I’m  happy though, for the couple that is moving in to the house.  They seem like they would really enjoy it. It’s so strange to think they’ll be living there…

I actually came across my CEO’s blog and read about his moving experience in which his items in storage eventually got auctioned off through a misunderstanding. It’s pretty regretful but at the same time he still had some of his old stuff.  Reading the comments on the blog, there were people who had even worse luck with storage, which made me feel a little better.

It’s hard to know which things to keep and which things to throw away. You have to decide which things you’d rather forget and what you want to remember.  You become a curator for yourself and for your family.

I feel like this new year has taken a completely new chapter in my life.  Toward the end of last year, I felt kind of broken and at the end of my rope.  It was like an Elisabeth Gilbert moment of breaking down and pleading with God…except I wasn’t going through a divorce and I wasn’t an accomplished author who owned two homes.

Still, I’d like to say my grievances were real and I dared to pray in faith that God would do something and starting this month  He really has.   I don’t know why but my feelings and attitude toward my dad has changed, which is nothing short of  a miracle.  Whatever issues I had with him just became so unimportant.  I’ve also been learning lessons on character and patience after cursing people out when they tried to take my parking spot.  It was a lesson I needed to learn —  that insisting I’m right all the time is sometimes wrong.  I landed a part-time writing job.  I’m also very grateful for these new girlfriends I met this month since it’s not always easy to visit my closer friends in Jersey…and it’s nice that they are around my age since they can relate and identify with me.  And what do you know…I’ve met some new suitors too.  All I have to say is that it’s been one crazy month.  It’s been hard for sure, but such a blessing too and I’m thankful.

My Blog Sucks

because…

• I don’t pay attention to it.
• When I do have the time to pay attention to it, I ramble and make tons of mistakes because it’s late at night and I’m falling asleep.
• I’m starting to censor myself a lot more. If I have anything interesting to say, I refrain from saying it because everyone including creeps, employers, family and church people may misinterpret or infer erroneous things about me.

My previous blogs have been more interesting to read. I’m talking circa 2003; I was less inhibited then.  Anyhow I’ll attempt to write more freely and more often from now on; I’m too old to care about what people think of me.

A Good Start

I got offered the editorial gig at www.babble.com It’s a parenting Web site but it still covers a wide variety of other topics including health, products, trends, food, celebrities etc. I’ll be starting with copy editing, production, research and Web analytics which I don’t mind either.

I’m excited that my friend, who was out of work for almost 3 years, also got a job and started working yesterday.  And if you haven’t heard by now, Ted Williams, aka the homeless guy with a golden voice, got offered a job with the Cavs. With a house, he is doing a lot better than me.

So 2011 is off to a good start.  I just tried to enjoy the city this week so I went to the New York Public Library just cause it’s there and saw the Three Faiths exhibition.  The collection of ancient religious books including the Torah, Koran, and the Bible was pretty fascinating, except when I saw more and more of them, I got tired of looking at them.

I hit Menchanko Tei for some ramen which was pretty tasty.  I indulged with a set that included a mini don (pork over rice), some beer which was poured into the smallest beer mug I ever saw, and kimchi, which was $4, but they were both worth it.

I’m going to miss doing this while unemployed. On the other hand, I’ll be working on Broadway in Soho which will be an easy commute and there will be lots to eat. (and shop.)

A New Year

Just enjoyed trying new restaurants and cafes in the city today. One of my friends told me that I have to try the turkey sandwich at Torrisi so I made my way there since it was conveniently near the place I interviewed. When I ordered the turkey sandwich, they gave me back a receipt that said “baby.”

Then they called out the receipt number, which I repeated to the waitress who was giving it to me, and then I promptly sat down and started eating it. It was really good.

Then they called out my receipt number again. So I went to the waitress and told her that they already called my number.  She recalled doing that and then concluded they gave me the wrong sandwich.  I realized I was eating someone else’s chicken parm sandwich and not my turkey sandwich.  Since it was my first time there, I just thought they drowned their turkey sandwich in mozzarella and tomato sauce.  It was complete fail on my part and the restaurant’s. The guy next to me found the incident amusing and also muttered that not this many people used to come for lunch. When did ordering food at a restaurant get so complicated? I’ll have to go back and make sure I get the damn turkey sandwich.

This is chicken parm	This is turkey.

At least the good thing is, I ran into The Little Cupcake Shop and bought a carrot cupcake and peanut butter cupcake. I enjoyed the peanut butter one with a cappuccino while at McNally Jackson bookstore. I also picked up my hemmed jeans from Madewell which made me realize I need to lose some pounds.

I love being in the city for the shopping and eats. I’m also finding a lot of opportunity as much as downturns. I didn’t get the full-time gig at BI which is fine by me since it was burning me out and it’s a bit on the sensational side. But I’m also hoping to find a gig where I don’t have to write about the economy or finance.  I’m finding things can change so suddenly here; one minute you’re dating, the other minute you’re single…one minute I’m employed and stressed out, the other minute I’m unemployed and able to enjoy the city more.   Maybe it’s just me and the transition I’m trying to make.

Here’s to taking a leap of faith and hoping it’s not just optimism.

Homelessness Still Rising

Bellevue from Eric Johnson on Vimeo.

Chris

Chris was by the corner of my apartment when he asked me if I could buy him food or something.  I was really going to ignore him but I don’t know what made me change my mind at the last second.

“Sure,” I said.  ”What do you want?”

“Iced coffee. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, you want to go in here?” I nodded toward the corner deli.  When we got inside he asked me if I could buy him a pastry too.  I felt like I was being held hostage to him, but I said yes and he got an apple turnover.

I was on my way to get a bottle of wine for Thanksgiving and he came along with me. We talked about where he stayed, what he’s doing in his life and what he wants to do.  He mostly hangs out at a shelter by my apartment, used to be addicted to drugs and gets (mental) disability checks. He talked about everything from wanting to be a songwriter to a clothes designer.

I got back to my apartment and we said our goodbyes. I saw him again on the same corner after Thanksgiving…and he asked me again if I could buy him iced coffee. I did and then I bounced to the Winters Eve festival thing where I enjoyed spending time alone worlds away from him eating everything from chicken curry, lobster bisque, ravioli etc.

Chris and I are the same age. I’m not sure how I could help him. I really want to help him get a job and get back on his feet but  in another way, I don’t want him to take advantage of me. I’m not sure what’s the right thing to do for him.  I wish I could just ignore him and be on my way but I always struggle to do the right thing.

I’ve always been like this. My mother would chide me for being “too serious”  when she would finally find me in a closet or some other hidden place in the house praying for the poor and hungry. I have no idea why I felt compelled to pray like that when I was growing up.  I’d see infomercials on how dolphins were getting caught in tuna nets and called the number to see how I can help.  I remember the customer rep asking me if I had a credit card and asking how old I was. Too bad the Kim Kardashian credit card didn’t exist when I was in fourth grade; I’d still be paying interest on my charitable contribution.

Seeing the homeless everyday and everywhere has really made me think about what the proper response should be. I usually don’t give money on a subway because it would keep encouraging them to stay down there and not get any real help.  And there are some panhandlers who actually seem okay, as they have different clothes to wear and don’t wear a desperate look on their face; these are the people I don’t give to. I also don’t give money when I’m in a rush or when I feel like they’re too dangerous or creepy.

I don’t know if this is always the right response, but I do what I can to be a better Samaritan and I’m always open for suggestions…